Now what?!

I went to to the doctor this past Tuesday, and they ran some bloodwork to check (again) for rheumatoid arthritis. I've had the more common test for it multiple times with a normal (negative) result, but I'm having some symptoms that are indicative of the disease, so I had an anti-CCP antibody test done. It's supposed to be more likely to catch the disease in the portion of people who get a false negative on the standard test.

This evening I walked past the answering machine and saw that I had a message. It was from the doctor's office, just asking me to call them back. It was, however, already far past their business hours (and Friday, to boot). I'm going to try calling tomorrow morning because I think they have limited office hours on Saturdays.

Knowing my doctor's office as I do, I know there are only two reasons that they would call me like this rather than leave the "all results normal" message on their Lab Phone system. First, it could be that there was a problem and they will have to redraw my blood. Second, the lab work returned something significant, and requires treatment or some other action. Now, tell me if I'm losing my mind here. I'm not dreading this, I'm actually kind of excited. In fact just yesterday I remarked that a part of me was hoping that the test would come back positive for RA, because with that illness at least there's an understanding of the disease and they know how to treat it. (I have fibromyalgia, and there really isn't much that can be done for me meaning I wind up having to just suffer through it.) Is that weird for me to feel that way? I mean, I know how serious and debilitating RA (And the treatments for it) can be. I know people who have the disease, one of them very severely so. But I just keep feeling like, "If I have that, then they can and will help me, and will actually believe that I'm sick! I won't have to try to prove myself every time I try to get help, and I won't have to literally cry and beg."

But then the practical part of my mind starts thinking, what about this business I just started? All of it relies on my ability to use my hands and to see what I'm doing (not to mention the heavy computer aspect, combining both). RA can destroy joints, and can also essentially blind you. I've already been diagnosed with an eye condition (episcleritis) that often occurs in people with RA. If I do have this, now I'm worried about what I'm going to do if at some point I can't continue working. I've already gone through the ordeal of applying for (and being denied) social security disability benefits, and I hope I never have to do that again. Maybe it would be different with a condition that I can prove exists, but still, it's a terrible mess and isn't guaranteed.

Hey, here's an idea...maybe I should go to bed so I actually wake up early enough to call the doctor and find out what the hell is going on!
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5/7/2008 ETA: I did get in touch with the doctor's office. The anti-ccp test was normal, but the more common test measuring my rheumatoid factor was slightly elevated. The doc doesn't think at this point that it's an indication of a rheumatoid condition, but will monitor the level closely in coming months. It's very early, I know, but at this point I'm fairly convinced that I do have RA. This wait-and-watch scenario is very familiar to me. A few years ago, I was tested repeatedly for thyroid disease. It runs in my family, and I was already having symptoms. However, my levels were within normal range when they first tested me and for about a year thereafter, although the levels were trending downward. Finally they dropped out of the normal range, and I began taking medication to treat it. I immediately felt better. I'm starting to see the same thing happening with this; it's only slightly elevated right now, but next time it will be a little higher, and on and on until it hits some magic number and they start treating me for what I've known I had from the beginning. Uff da.

I'm writing too many posts about health (or lack thereof) and not enough about Etsy and my business as I had intended to focus on here. I think I may need to set myself up with a new blog that's all business, and keep this one for everything else.